"I'll do the rest."

Sooo I know it's been... FOREVER. And I apologize. But God has really been moving in my life lately and I can't keep it to myself. At the end of January at World Mandate '10 I felt God informing that He's calling me into a serious season of growth. Intense growth. And this past week in particular I've been feeling it.

Almost everyday this past week, God's been softening my heart to things I need to change and hand over to Him. Such things as anger, frustration, bitterness, dislike, fear, selfishness, vulnerability. He came to me through scripture, song lyrics, people. It felt like from all sides, I was being yelled at to change-- being shown how flawed I am. And so Sunday night rolls around and I feel like a wreck. I see all my brokenness and pride and start to not like who I am. I began to have a - minor - meltdown. I spiraled into this pit of despair and let the devil tell me how worthless and unlovable I am, but at the time I believed all these lies.

After talking to a very wise person yesterday I started to make sense of my trials and a picture formed in my mind. I kept crying out: How do I change? Where do I begin? How can I make all these transformations? Am I beyond repair? And THAT is truly where the problem lies because I don't do ANYTHING besides take the grace, righteousness and peace that God so willingly and graciously wants to give me! He's standing there right in front of me with arms wide open, hands wide open with these supernatural gifts overflowing. Tears are streaming down His face as He tenderly says, "Oh beautiful, beautiful child of mine take my gifts and I'll take the rest, I'll do the rest! I'll take your pain and I'll bear your fear! I'll make the changes and I'll transform you to be more like me! Just take my gifts of love."

We are not perfect because we are sinners. But He is perfect with perfect love that covers all of my imperfections. We cannot obtain grace and righteousness on our own so we must learn to accept His.

ACCEPT HIS GRACE.

LAMP.

So guys I'm totally loving 2 Peter, especially chapter 1.

Today 2 Peter 1:19 lifted me up; it has everything to do with the purpose of this revolution!

"We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts." (TNIV)

At first this verse threw me for a loop. It is beautiful and passionate imagery but what does it MEAN? I did a little research in my NIV Study Bible and I found that CHRIST is the morning star. The word, the prophetic message, is to light our paths until Jesus rises like the morning star to guide us. The word is our source of light that shines BRIGHTLY in a DARK place. We are instructed to PAY ATTENTION to it.

I'm reminded of Psalms 119:105: "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." (NIV)

Until Jesus comes back to take us by the hand and lead us, the word of God should be made our director.

DIG DEEP!! You hold all the answers in your hands!

Love,

Kaity

KNOWLEDGE.

So obviously I haven't kept up with my blog at much as one would hope. I want to fix that!

Today I've been all throughout 2 Peter. The whole book is fabulous but I'd like to stick within the first chapter. Check out 2 Peter 1: 5-8.

Now I'm NOT about the "check it off" kind of faith. The feeling that you must execute 1, 2 and 3 to feel Jesus. But I am about instruction and structure. I'm okay with a plan on how to get where I want to be. Verses 5 and 6 say make EVERY effort to add to you faith these things: goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, mutual affection and love. But then look at verse 8 that ties it all together:

"For if you possess these qualities in INCREASING measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." (TNIV)

So what you're telling me here is that I have a plan on how to keep myself from becoming ineffective and unproductive?! SWEET!

**The key word is increasing.

The amount of these characteristics that you're adding to your faith need to be consistently on the rise! Just as you can't drink one bottle of water and expect it to last you a year, you can't put forth one act of goodness and expect to be effective and productive in your knowledge of Christ. This is a positive correlation (don't diss the math :)). You add or increase these characteristics to your faith and your knowledge of Christ will increase as well!

Now here's the cool part:

Backtrack to verse 3:

"His divine power has given us everything we need to for a godly life through our KNOWLEDGE OF HIM who called us by his own glory and goodness."(TNIV)

Because of this new knowledge of Him that we've gained, we can now receive EVERYTHING we need to live a godly life! Knowledge = Provision.

Add to your faith increasingly. Gain knowledge of our beautiful God. Receive provision.

Sounds like a good deal to me :)

Love,

Kaity

Striving.

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said,
" Child, you must wait."
" Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply.
" Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

My future hangs and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'Yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'No' to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And, Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
'I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again," You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God,"So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed,then, to kneel
And His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said," I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--
But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power I give to the faint;

You'd not learn to see the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that, 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, 'Wait.'"

- Russell Kelfer

Ya'll my friend tagged me in a note on FB with this poem in it. When I read it, I teared up. This is me being transparent: I have been so beat down recently. Upset and frustrated with who I am, feeling like a failure. And you know what's worse? I KNOW the cure for my oppression. I KNOW that Jesus can fix ALL of this, fix me. I KNOW there is a better life to be had, more abundant living. But what do I do? NOTHING. I don't seek harder, pray harder, or retreat to my bible. I get stubborn and I let myself struggle with the hurt because I'm too PROUD to turn to my Provider. I'm too afraid to give up complete control. I'm terrified to "rest in Him". I'm holding on to my wants and fears and desires so tightly that I can't even raise my hands to worship Him. I'm lost and dazed and confused. I'm burnt out. There's this person that I WANT to be that God DESIRES me to be and I'm so far away from that image. Even the thought of attempting to get there is exhausting. And then, I take out my anger with myself with people I love and care about, that don't deserve it.

Today at the end of Leadership Retreat each person in our small groups wrote something nice about all of us. I can not tell you how many people wrote that I was patient. PATIENT? ME?! No way. God tells me to wait and I scream back NO! My mind is constantly racing, figuring out the next problem I'll come in contact with. I SO EASILY get anxious and curious. Waiting? That's not me. But for whatever reason, these people saw that in me. So if I can be patient with them, why can't I be patient with God? He deserves my complete and utter trust; isn't impatience one form of distrust?

I want to make the commitment to know Him better and wait for what He has to tell me. But to be honest, I can hear the devil whispering, "It's going to be too much effort, too much work. You're exhausted and don't have time for this. It's okay to have such an angry heart in turmoil."

Pray that I tell the devil to shut up.

KNOWING.

So I wish I had more time but it seems that I do not. Thankfully the Lord has provided this time to be able to post on here!

This morning I read through Psalms 139. Yesterday in church we focused in on verses 13-18. They describe how AMAZING our Creator is that He KNIT us together. We are intricate, delicate beings. We are complex and hand made! But as I continued to read all of the chapter this morning, I realized a common thread. He KNOWS us. Inside and out. Backwards and forwards. He has SEARCHED us and knows all our ways, and even our thoughts before they turn into words.

Sometimes I can feel discouraged like no one knows exactly who I am; sometimes I don't even understand myself for that matter! haha :) But God, He KNOWS me. He GETS me. All there is to me, He understands. And yet, He STILL loves me :)

I am an imperfect, flawed, worn out finite being that is loved and understood by the King of Kings. I'd say there's no reason that I shouldn't live in joy today. :)

Love,

Kaity

BEAUTY.

I am still currently in 1 Peter but this morning I really focused in on chapters 2 & 3. Ya'll I found SO much that I want to share! But I want to keep it focused so I'm going fill you in on what God taught me about TRUE BEAUTY. This is more geared towards ladies but you gentleman can take note of what is true beauty in a woman in God's eyes.

1 Peter 3:3,4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (TNIV)

Since I was a little girl my mom has always taught me how being beautiful on the inside is much more important than appearance. And this verse clearly states that God feels the same way.

I know this is cliche and has been talked about a multitude of times, especially with our generation. But ladies we need to be modest with our outward selves as to not make our brothers in Christ stumble. REAL beauty is God's grace, love, compassion, gentleness, understanding and forgiveness SHINING through us as the beautiful light of Christ. TRUE beauty is an attitude of humility, humbleness and submission to God.

I know we've all see the Facebook bumpersticker, but the quote is legitimate. A truly gorgeous woman is one that is so WRAPPED up in God that a boy interested must bow to her Heavenly Father first to get to her.

Now I'm not saying to not take care of your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19 states that your body is TEMPLE; Christ resides in you, so take care of yourself. But realize that God finds you beautiful on the outside not matter how the world tells you differently (HE CREATED YOU!), but remember that your inner self is of much greater worth to Him.

Ladies, I think this revolution is not only going to strengthen our relationship with Christ and other believers, but it's going to make us more beautiful as we begin to take every thought captive and transform our inner selves into gorgeous woman of God!

You are His beautiful baby girl; be His daughter, his child.

Love,

Kaity

MUSTARD SEED.

Matthew 17:14-20

This is what I'm wrestling through this morning. Any thoughts?