KNOWLEDGE.

So obviously I haven't kept up with my blog at much as one would hope. I want to fix that!

Today I've been all throughout 2 Peter. The whole book is fabulous but I'd like to stick within the first chapter. Check out 2 Peter 1: 5-8.

Now I'm NOT about the "check it off" kind of faith. The feeling that you must execute 1, 2 and 3 to feel Jesus. But I am about instruction and structure. I'm okay with a plan on how to get where I want to be. Verses 5 and 6 say make EVERY effort to add to you faith these things: goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, mutual affection and love. But then look at verse 8 that ties it all together:

"For if you possess these qualities in INCREASING measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." (TNIV)

So what you're telling me here is that I have a plan on how to keep myself from becoming ineffective and unproductive?! SWEET!

**The key word is increasing.

The amount of these characteristics that you're adding to your faith need to be consistently on the rise! Just as you can't drink one bottle of water and expect it to last you a year, you can't put forth one act of goodness and expect to be effective and productive in your knowledge of Christ. This is a positive correlation (don't diss the math :)). You add or increase these characteristics to your faith and your knowledge of Christ will increase as well!

Now here's the cool part:

Backtrack to verse 3:

"His divine power has given us everything we need to for a godly life through our KNOWLEDGE OF HIM who called us by his own glory and goodness."(TNIV)

Because of this new knowledge of Him that we've gained, we can now receive EVERYTHING we need to live a godly life! Knowledge = Provision.

Add to your faith increasingly. Gain knowledge of our beautiful God. Receive provision.

Sounds like a good deal to me :)

Love,

Kaity

Striving.

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said,
" Child, you must wait."
" Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant reply.
" Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

My future hangs and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'Yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'No' to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And, Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
'I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again," You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God,"So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed,then, to kneel
And His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said," I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--
But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power I give to the faint;

You'd not learn to see the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that, 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, 'Wait.'"

- Russell Kelfer

Ya'll my friend tagged me in a note on FB with this poem in it. When I read it, I teared up. This is me being transparent: I have been so beat down recently. Upset and frustrated with who I am, feeling like a failure. And you know what's worse? I KNOW the cure for my oppression. I KNOW that Jesus can fix ALL of this, fix me. I KNOW there is a better life to be had, more abundant living. But what do I do? NOTHING. I don't seek harder, pray harder, or retreat to my bible. I get stubborn and I let myself struggle with the hurt because I'm too PROUD to turn to my Provider. I'm too afraid to give up complete control. I'm terrified to "rest in Him". I'm holding on to my wants and fears and desires so tightly that I can't even raise my hands to worship Him. I'm lost and dazed and confused. I'm burnt out. There's this person that I WANT to be that God DESIRES me to be and I'm so far away from that image. Even the thought of attempting to get there is exhausting. And then, I take out my anger with myself with people I love and care about, that don't deserve it.

Today at the end of Leadership Retreat each person in our small groups wrote something nice about all of us. I can not tell you how many people wrote that I was patient. PATIENT? ME?! No way. God tells me to wait and I scream back NO! My mind is constantly racing, figuring out the next problem I'll come in contact with. I SO EASILY get anxious and curious. Waiting? That's not me. But for whatever reason, these people saw that in me. So if I can be patient with them, why can't I be patient with God? He deserves my complete and utter trust; isn't impatience one form of distrust?

I want to make the commitment to know Him better and wait for what He has to tell me. But to be honest, I can hear the devil whispering, "It's going to be too much effort, too much work. You're exhausted and don't have time for this. It's okay to have such an angry heart in turmoil."

Pray that I tell the devil to shut up.

KNOWING.

So I wish I had more time but it seems that I do not. Thankfully the Lord has provided this time to be able to post on here!

This morning I read through Psalms 139. Yesterday in church we focused in on verses 13-18. They describe how AMAZING our Creator is that He KNIT us together. We are intricate, delicate beings. We are complex and hand made! But as I continued to read all of the chapter this morning, I realized a common thread. He KNOWS us. Inside and out. Backwards and forwards. He has SEARCHED us and knows all our ways, and even our thoughts before they turn into words.

Sometimes I can feel discouraged like no one knows exactly who I am; sometimes I don't even understand myself for that matter! haha :) But God, He KNOWS me. He GETS me. All there is to me, He understands. And yet, He STILL loves me :)

I am an imperfect, flawed, worn out finite being that is loved and understood by the King of Kings. I'd say there's no reason that I shouldn't live in joy today. :)

Love,

Kaity